We live in the age of overshare. Everyone wants you to know what they’re doing, how and why they’re doing it and then convince you that you need to do it too. Along with that comes the trolls, the opinions no one asked for and the people who just have too much time on their hands. Parenting is one of the topics that come across my feeds often. Being someone who writes in the parenting niche my feeds are full of moms, bloggers and not. Unfortunately, that comes with seeing way too many sad stories involving children. My heart breaks a little bit every single day with some of the stories that I come across.
Daycare abuse, boyfriends killing their girlfriends children and bullying are all too common news titles today. But the stories that always break my heart: child suicide. And one that especially triggered me a couple weeks ago, was concerning a young girl who hanged herself, at 9 after an argument with her mom. As a parent I can only imagine what it’s like to find you child took their own life. I can also imagine the million and one thoughts that went through that moms head as she replayed the last moments she spent with her daughter.
Parenting is no joke.
And their are just some moments that no matter how many parenting books you read, no matter who you ask in your mom group on facebook, that no one can prepare you for. No one experiences the individual moments of parenthood in your household but you. So the arguments and moments where you unintentionally lose your cool, while in most cases fleeting are only situations that you can control. And I’m just going to be upfront and say I have many a day with two small children where I don’t handle situations at my best. This is definitely why I make sure I try my hardest to put into practice something that I was rarely given.
I may be their mom, but I always apologize to my children.
Yup. Even the little one. Because their are days where he spends 8 out of the 9 hours that he’s awake being a complete jerk. Toddlers are impossible. And there are some days where on 3 hours of sleep, he’s on his 8th meltdown of the hour, his older brother has called me 84280238 times in 3o seconds, where my light doesn’t shine the brightest and I become the mean mom. Uncessarily. When everyone in the house is losing control mom loses control sometimes too. And I’m human, so thats ok.
But I come from the culture of “I’m the mama (grandma, auntie, adult), I don’t apologize to no kids.” and that is NOT ok. And if you’re nodding in agreement then you were probably once a little black girl who grew up to have real adult problems from that crap. Not my babies. I refuse to have my children think it’s ok to have their feelings disregarded because I’m an adult. They should never feel like because I’m their mother, what I have to say and how I feel matters more than them. That’s not how any of this works. I’m definitely not saying it’s a free for all, but I’m making it a point to acknowledge the people that they are from a very young age.
Apologizing to your children doesn’t make you any less of a parent.
You’re not a horrible person for admitting that you’ve messed up. If anything you’re showing them the proper way to process feelings and emotions even AFTER a disagreement has occurred. I was always in a position where I had my feelings minimized, or made to seem “dramatic” and TO THIS DAY that still affects how I communicate as an adult. We have to want better for our children. When I apologize to my children it teaches them accountability.
Apologizing to my children doesn’t make me a pushover.
I’m an amazing mom, raising tiny little amazing people. Who will know how it feels to have their feelings validated, feel important and see the importance of admitting your mistakes. And children are so gracious anyway, but we still shouldn’t take advantage of their little hearts! 😉
So yup, I apologize to my children. Do you apologize to yours? Do you think I’m crazy?! lol
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Great topic. Being a mom of a 7 yr old I quickly realized being a yelling dictator is not needed to grow up a caring loving adult. I realize how “we” were brought up was much too harsh and physical and that is progress
I can related to the struggles and joys of being a parent. There are days when it takes every single once of patience in me not to go crazy, and loose my cool. Yes at times I do too, but then I apologize. I am also from a culture where a parent speaks and child listens. I strayed from that type of parenting as I know how it felt as a child. It’s awful when you are not heard or feelings validated. I completely agree apologizing to your children is ok, and taking responsibility. We are humans and as parents we don’t always get things right, but we are learning and trying our best. Teaching them how to communicate, and treat others. In, addition, I always say please and thank when I am requesting or receiving from them. I have two toddlers and an adolescent. I am being pulled in different directions given the time of the day. I love my crazy family, and parenting life. Thanks for this post.
Yes when I’m wrong I apologize because how else will she learn that apologizing is what you do when you’re wrong.
This is the most honest and great read! I am a mother to a very love out loud 3 year old and 7 month old and I resonate with everything your saying! I don’t want to repeat the cycle I grew up in but I will say my mother had no problem apologizing and letting me know that I was still loved or that she was never too big to admit her wrongdoings.
Kids need to know that parents blow it sometimes and they can make mistakes. I try to make sure I apologize when I know I’m wrong.
Apologizing to my kids teaches them to apologize to others. I use my apologies as a learning opportunity for myself and my kids. Parents can be wrong. We make mistakes too.
Girl you just spoke a word. Honestly my mother, even as I am a grown woman my mom will still until this day never admit she is wrong because I think she doesnt know how to admit fault…its definitely passed down. I wont be like that.
This was a great topic. I’m a mom who believes in giving your kids autonomy, along with boundaries. After all they are human beings and have feelings too. That how I raised my older daughter and it was the best thing I could have ever done. Now I’m raising my little one the same way.
I appreciate this post so hard ~
My mom and I had a heart to heart of why I didn’t/ donmt wnat to have kids and a good amount was simply how she responded as an adult. I told her I understood/ understand stresses and I would def give her that pass. But I don’t want to be that parent to my kid. So early (abt 10) I decided that I wouldn’t have kids. At 21 I tried to have a hysterectomy. We had this discussion at 30 …
And NOW that healing can begin.
Children are keen. They understand and absorb more than we know shaping how they decide to move in the future. And we just never stop to understand how even small things like apologizing can help a child develop a lot healthier.
This was beautiful. Your family is beautful.
Bless
Coming from a family where we grew up only knowing that we listen to what the adults say and no talking back, I knew that I would parent differently. It is hard, but I do apologize to my daughter when I am wrong. I recognize that in the long run it also helps her to do the same and know it is okay to admit your wrondoings.
thanks for sharing. I grew up in one of those households and my mama still feels like this and I am an adult. but i think it is important to apologize and show children that it is ok to make mistakes.
Your sons look like they keep you busy, but both also look like a joy to be around. Showing your kids how to apologize and be the bigger person is so important. Kudos to you mom.