We live in the age of overshare. Everyone wants you to know what they’re doing, how and why they’re doing it and then convince you that you need to do it too. Along with that comes the trolls, the opinions no one asked for and the people who just have too much time on their hands. Parenting is one of the topics that come across my feeds often. Being someone who writes in the parenting niche my feeds are full of moms, bloggers and not. Unfortunately, that comes with seeing way too many sad stories involving children. My heart breaks a little bit every single day with some of the stories that I come across.
Daycare abuse, boyfriends killing their girlfriends children and bullying are all too common news titles today. But the stories that always break my heart: child suicide. And one that especially triggered me a couple weeks ago, was concerning a young girl who hanged herself, at 9 after an argument with her mom. As a parent I can only imagine what it’s like to find you child took their own life. I can also imagine the million and one thoughts that went through that moms head as she replayed the last moments she spent with her daughter.
And I know I’ll probably be banished to some lonely corner of the Twitterverse where I’ll be slowly rocking back and forth and holding myself alone but, I could care less at this point. I meant it last night when it first came to mind and I mean it now as I’m typing this post. I hate parent twitter. Not to be confused with just parents on twitter. I’m talking about the very specific group of tweeters, you know who they are.
And there are are so many different corners of the Twitterwebs so I’m sure I’ll find another group to partake in (#BlackTwitter never fails me), but I felt like the mom life corner was supposed to be my thing. Nah, it ain’t. If you search any type of parenting hashtag on twitter you’ll be sure to find all of these witty tweets. Parents tweeting about their numbered children and the snarky or clever thing they’ve said that millisecond, all in the name of RTs and favorites. Can we be honest? You nor your kid are that funny ALL day. Someone else definitely has copied a meme I’ve seen on Facebook and used it as their own tweet, only to get 749201 comments about how funny or clever they are like plagiarism isn’t taught in elementary school anymore. WHY ARE YALL LIKE THIS?!
Last night while I showered and washed my hair my 1 year old stood outside the door screeching at the top of his lungs the entirety of said shower. My emotions teetered between guilt and annoyanc and I thought about reaching out to the parent posse to see who could relate. Instead I changed my mind because, it wasn’t funny, or sarcastic or witty and I felt pretty confident that though I knew someone would be able to relate… my tweet would just sink into the abyss of things forgotten. No one interacts for realness!! Where are the parents that are living REAL life and want to interact?! Those are the people I’m looking for.
Meanwhile you can miss me with the clever anecdotes about 4 pretending to sip your peppermint mocha this morning. I haven’t even had the chance to brush my teeth yet. But y’all are gonna get ALL this venting.
2017.. see…. irritated LOL
My kids are young, they could care less about the holidays right now. RJ JUST turned 4 so I’m excited that he’s starting to have a better understanding of the holidays and why they’re special, but prior to this year he could care less. Even still, I have tried to make it a point to create our own traditions once the fall season starts. We have been to the pumpkin patch every year, we visit Santa every year and we take family holiday photos. These are all things he doesn’t care about now but I hope with time they’ll both appreciate the countless fall/winter activities I drag them to every year.
Children take in and remember so much. Some of my favorite fall memories come from apple picking with my family. I love that we still come together to celebrate Christmas though our family dynamics have changed, and I love that we get to wear holiday pjs ALL day on Christmas Eve. I feel like we have such very few things bringing joy to everyone nowadays and I want my children to be able to look back and think “I loved doing this with you guys, even though we did it EVERY year.” It’s important to me for them to have that. I’m glad they’ll be able to look back and see/feel the love.
Do you have any special traditions with your kids during the holidays? What’s your favorite tradition from childhood?
Listen, if you’re a mom with a little boy… then you obviously feel my struggle and that’s how you landed here. Little girls have it all… tea parties and kiddie salons and mini spas… they get the works! Little boys are left to the wayside to fend for themselves and play in somebodies dirt somewhere and are just supposed to be happy with that. Dramatic perhaps, but hey! I’m known for drama and I’m tired of feeling like my babies aren’t as important because they can’t get their nails painted or have princess parties or whatever. We need places to play too! So I’ve done my research and I’ve dug up some of the best places I could find in and around the city to bring your little sonshines for a playdate.
I feel like I’ve always been a pretty confident parent. If there is one thing that parenting has taught me it’s always been to follow my instincts and to trust my gut. I’m definitely not a perfect mom but I know that I try my hardest every single day and as long as my kids go to bed happy then I’ve succeeded.
That being said, being a mom to two toddlers… two boys… two wild little beings…. is HARD AF! When Zayn was first born, I felt like I had it pretty under control. Then he started moving…. and LORD did he start moving.
I’m convinced Zayn has “been here before”. There are some days I wonder if he was ever even a baby. He is nothing like his brother was at one year old. He’s a runner, a climber (I’ve left the room several times to come back and find him standing on the table), he can throw a tantrum that rivals the big toddlers and he knows what he wants. RJ has always been a busy body but NOTHING like Zayn. I long for silence and dread it at the same time because that usually means hes playing in the toilet. He is definitely giving me a run for my money.
All that being said I love being their mommy. I love watching them grow into their own little people and seeing how their personalities differ and how they love the same things. Motherhood is truly a journey and just when you think you have it figured out they switch up on you. I thought I had parenting pretty figured out but Zayn came to show and prove that every little person is different and they all need love in different ways.
How are your kids different? Was parenting your second child anything like your first? Lets talk in the comments! xoxo
Thank you so much to Mazda for allowing us to drive the 2018 Mazda CX-9 free of charge in exchange for an honest review. As always, all opinions expressed belong to me.
You’re not really a mom if someone doesn’t confirm it once they get into your car. Such was the case when I had a chance to review the Mazda CX-9 during the holidays. First of all, if you’ve been around for any amount of time then you’d know I have a LOVE for SUVs. The first 3 row SUV I drove was the Kia Sorento and I continue to love that car TO THIS DAY!
So when I was given the chance by Mazda to review the CX-9, and I realized it was their 3 row SUV I couldn’t contain the excitement. A few days into having the car, on a trip to the store my friend was like “Wow this car is nice. It’s REALLY a mom car.” It could’ve been the view (below) that she saw once she was inside because the car had AMPLE space to store all our Christmas takeaways, but if the CX-9 is #Momcar goals then I’ll take it. *shrugs*
This car has to be what Mom dreams are made of. Gone are the days of the huge minivan, hello BOSE surround system, heated leather premium nappa leather (in the second row too!), and a completely driver focused experience. SKY-ACTIV and I-ACTIV technology provide some of the best safety features in vehicles of this class and put my obsessive mom worries to ease while driving.
With most 3 row SUVs the downfall of having the third row is that you lose cargo space. That is definitely not the case with the CX-9. While we’re a family of 4, my extended family is HUGE and we made alot of stops over the holidays, we never were lacking trunk space for all the gifts we gave/received. Even with the third row up, the trunk was spacious and has the perfect amount of cargo space for….. Target hauls? 🙂
I definitely leveled up my mom status while driving this car and it comes really close to my love for the Sorento. If this is a perk of being a “real mom” then, ill take it! What kind of car do you drive? Are you looking to “level up” any time soon?
The 2018 Mazda CX-9 Grand Touring AWD starts at $40,470. For more information/spec check out Mazda’s official site here.
I see you.
I see you wanting to crawl into yourself and hide as a stranger makes small talk with you about how cute and happy your kid is. I know you hate it. But the very sight of your child bounding around in public is enough to make any stranger smile, stop and ask questions, and leave you hanging there in enough seconds of awkward silence to make you want to click your heels together three times and disappear. I know its hard.
Introverts don’t do small talk!
I hear you.
Not literally of course. But your silence speaks volumes. Your little is loud enough for the both of you anyway. And I know you’re spending a good portion of your day wondering if your little person needs to make noise and be in contact with people ALL DAY. As exciting as it is for them it’s draining for you.
You enjoy being alone.
I get it.
That after a long day of running, and screaming, and crying you just. need. time. And the little person you take care of is saying mommy for the 200th time….. that hour. You’re not sure if you’re going to make it. Patience is almost gone, and then the guilt comes. Because as much as you need time to get yourself together you feel bad that you can’t be more excited for them. It feels impossible.
You need time to recharge.
I feel you. I am you. We got this.
Parenting has never been a one size fits all thing no matter what generation you were born and raised in but I’m beginning to notice some patterns with millennial moms that weren’t so common with generations before us.
Self-care is essential.
I’ll give it to them. Gen X (and before) parents and grandparents were devoted! Not saying we aren’t devoted as parents but I feel like the stress on taking care of yourself to be the best parent you can be is so much greater than before. I seriously have learned (and am still learning) that you have to live for yourself in order to be the best for your family. I’m not talking about going to the club every weekend and leaving your kids home alone. But even small things like stepping away and taking a break for a few minutes has helped me to keep it together throughout the day. Do what makes you happy because a happy parent raises happy children.
A mess is a learning experience.
And for real, its not that serious. My grandmother spends a considerable amount of time trying to get RJ to play with only one toy at a time. I have no idea why. And I’m almost positive thats how we played too. I can’t lie when RJ first became REALLY interested in his toys I hated watching him dump them out everywhere. It literally made me cringe. But I honestly sit and watch his imagination thrive in the midst of his toy piles. Learning through play is real! & it only takes a few minutes to clean up at night.
Their feelings matter, just as much as their manners.
I feel like I grew up in a generation of forced politeness. Doing what was asked of me wasn’t an option no matter how it made me feel. I try to always remind RJ that his feelings are NORMAL (even in the midst of his meltdowns) but he still has to behave a certain way. And even when he’s being his horrible toddler self and shading me by not saying thank you for the snack he asked for 100 times, I know he listens. It’s evident when he’s in contact with other adults and they tell me how well-mannered he is (usually after they comment on his endless energy LOL).
Kids are curious. Asking questions isn’t rude.
I grew up where “because I said so” was the parenting cop out for an acceptable answer. Kids have questions. Chances are if your 3 year old is asking “why”…… they genuinely want to know why. Kids are people just like everyone else and just like you, they want explanations. “Why?” is just a question. I’ve yet to meet anyone with severe mental health issues from getting their questions answered.
Every indiscretion doesn’t require punishment.
Especially at such a young age. Kids are constantly pushing the boundaries and seeing just how far they can cross the line. I make it a point to make sure I explain bad choices ONCE. Because hey, maybe he really didn’t know! I hate when I tell someone about something less than stellar RJ did and their first question is “did you pop him????” like wth… no I explained to him why what he was doing was wrong. Imagine that….
What are some things you learned about parenting that you didn’t learn from the generation before you? Leave your thoughts in the comments!
You ever wonder if some people actually do the things they say or if they’re just doing it for Facebook fame or to go viral? That’s exactly how I felt when I saw the original posting on BoredPanda.com that mom posted to Facebook asking for advice after she did this:
SOOOOOO many questions here. But I wanna start by saying if you’re friends with me on Facebook then you know I’m not opposed to breastfeeding AT ALL. I go HARD for breastfeeding. But I just need to know why? Why did you this lady think it was ok to share the liquid from her body with her child’s WHOLE school? Are there no corner stores where you live ma’am? Milk is sold EVERYWHERE!
Why are you putting milk in your brownies to begin with? I don’t work at a bakery or anything but uhhhhhh It’s definitely not a required ingredient as someone pointed out to me when I shared the first post I saw.
How do you know what kind of nutrients someone else’s child needs and who are you to make that decision for the parents with your boob juice?! And how did another mom “find out?”. Did she taste said breast milk when she purchased one of the lactating brownies? I just need answers. I’m sure at this point she’s glad that she was kept anonymous in her original post because some people would have given her an earful! I’m just gonna share some of the funnier responses to lighten the mood in case you’re just as annoyed/disgusted as I am.
Sooooo, how are you feeling? I’m wiling to bet it’s not hungry LOL! Lemme know your thoughts in the comments!
The night before the New York Baby Show I sat on the couch with my love and the usual feelings took over *insert anxiety… doubt… the overall feeling of introverted-ness (I know its not a word)* and the excuses started to come out. “I’m tired”.. “We have a lot to do tomorrow”… “Maybe we shouldn’t go because it’ll be too long of a day for everyone”. The plain truth was I was scared. As long as I have been dipping in and out of blogging this was the first “big” blog event that I was attending and anxiety was about to make me go into early labor.
I had all the doubts in my head and my amazing other half just looked at me and said … “if that’s what you want to do then I support you in whatever you decide.” My 2 year old’s toy T-Rex then gave me an amazing speech (via hubby) about following my dreams and how I needed to take this opportunity to make these connections and be the most amazing possible, because blogging is all I ever talk about wanting to do but self-doubt always creeps in and makes me second guess myself. I listened to the T-Rex.. and Saturday morning we headed out!
The idea of over 150 brands all being in one place was kind of overwhelming and it took everything in me not to freak out. When I got to the Blogger Lounge everyone was amazing and RJ was so excited to play I kind of wanted to just let him linger so I didn’t have to go out and face my fears head on.
Once I actually got out there I walked and walked and one of my first stops was actually Kinderwagon. I’m a petite girl, my toddler likes to be carried, and I’m about to have a newborn. Everyone has been asking me about a double stroller but I’ve seen the double stroller struggle and I just can’t imagine trying to manuever a huge stroller through anywhere. This is why I was immediately drawn to Kinderwagons design. I even made RJ leave the blogger lounge so we could give it a ride on the stroller test track.
See how small it is for a double stroller? And it’s only 18 lbs! Car seat compatible and all 😉
We loved stopping at the ErgoBaby booth. RJ was a hot natured baby and I’m in search of a carrier that is breathable and will work well for this summer baby. I loved that their new adapt carrier doesn’t require an infant insert and it can transition easily from newborn to a toddler up to 45 pounds. I have a little bit of bump in the way but RJ and daddy tried the carrier out for us.
The Evenflo feeding booth was on my go-to list before I even arrived at the baby show! As a soon to be second time breastfeeding mama, I’m ALWAYS interested in all things breastfeeding. I’m probably late but I really liked their Occasional Use Single Electric Pump. I had so much more luck with my manual pump the first time around than with the double electric which was just bulky and inconvenient. This is like combining the best of both worlds.
Image courtesy of Evenflofeeding.com
You’ve probably caught on that I have a theme kinda going on here. All of the products I fell in love with are things that will make this new mama of two’s life more convenient. I’m happily awaiting the arrival of this baby and I was FOCUSED on finding things that made all our lives easier. Convenience is key when you’re outnumbered!
Did you attend the New York Baby Show? What were your favorite products? Do your toddlers toys talk you into overcoming your fears too? LOL.
While this is a sponsored post, all opinions expressed are my own. =)
I started blogging back in …. 2013 I think under a different name. Back then I wasn’t a mommy or even expecting but the main blogs that I read were mommy blogs because I have a weird thing about being interested in other peoples lives (anyone else addicted to Family Vlogs on YouTube?). I read a lot of lifestyle blogs but I kept finding myself being drawn to more family/parenting oriented blogs and that’s still a lot of what I read today.
When I became pregnant with RJ I searched for mommy blogs written by black women and they aren’t always as easy to find as the “other” blogs are. This really has so much to do with the fact that we aren’t supporting each other to our full capacity. Luckily, I became a part of an amazing community of women [BLM] where I connected with bloggers of ALL kinds but I still wanted to take the opportunity to put my mommy bloggers on the forefront.
If you are looking for mommy blogs written by WOC then here is a list of amazing blogs you can choose from.
*updated March 2019*
Lifestyle/Family Blogs – Tips, tricks, & advice given from real moms about real life.
– My Mommyvents
–The Green Eyed Lady Blog
–La La Land Mommy
–Love, Peace and Tiny Feet
–Moms ‘N Charge
–The Bernetta Style
–Rattles & Heels
–Lovely You Blog
–Niecyisms and Nestlings
–What MJ Loves
–Simply T Nicole
–Rich Single Momma
–Product Review Mom
–Black Moms Blog
–Moms with Tots
–A Life of Authenticity
–The Crunchy Mommy
–Ms Naturally Random
–Mommy Sees You
–Aprons and Stilletos
–Its Me, Lady G
–Travel with the Russells
–Camesha Mama Motivator
–Mommys Dressing Room
–Houseful of Nicholes
–Green & Gorgeous
–A Mom That Sleeps
–The Kerri Chronicles
–Three Boys and An Old Lady
–Nicole’s Lifestyle Lounge
–Life in Pumps
–Mommy Talk Show
–Divas with a Purpose
–My Mommy Flies
–Tales of a Mommy 2 Be
–Just a BX Mom
–Juggling Family Life
Fashion/Style/Beauty Blogs – Moms that bring the fashion game.
–Frugal Flirty N Fab
–So She Writes by Miss Dre
–Rattles and Heels
–Happily Ever Natural
–Life in Pumps
Health/Wellness Blogs – Natural parenting, self care & getting your life together.
–Brooklyn Active Mama
–Peace Filled Mama
–Orchids + Sweet Tea
–Deja Vu Organics
–Healing Mama Remedies
Single Parenting – Mom’s that remind you that you can slay all by yourself.
– Kaywanda Lamb
–Just a BX Mom
–NYC Single Mom
“Unique” Blogs – Bringing you something a little different.
–Walk One Day in Our Shoes – Walk One Day in this mom’s shoes as she shows you how autism effects her nonverbal 10 year old daughter.
–Type 4 Naturals – Kat is one of 3 contributors to Type 4 Naturals and writes about family on this “natural hair” blog.
–Socamom – A Carribean parenting blog
–The Mixed Up Blog – Raising multicultural children, culture and cultural issues.
–Belly Itch Blog – Parenting, Pregnacy and Celebrity Pregnancy
–Here Wee Read – A blog about children’s and adult books.
–Joy in the Ordinary – Chronicling the journey of an African-American homeschool mom.
–Chaton’s World – A working mom’s quest for balance in stilettos (work/life balance).
–Leslie Allison – Mommy vlogger.
–The MOM Trotter – Have kids, will travel (Travel and home/worldschooling).
–The Moms Guide – For the professional Mommy raising kids and balancing high powered careers.
And there it is! Explore! Find some new blogs to read! And don’t forget to tell them Life with Tanay sent you!
Do you have a favorite mommy blog that wasn’t included on this list? Are you a mommy blogger that would like to be added to the list? Leave a comment below or feel free to contact me.