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Tanay @ Life with Tanay

4 In Uncategorized

The Importance of Self-Love

*This was originally posted in June 2014 and featured on my old blog  =)*

Believe it or not my post today was inspired by last nights dose of ratchet reality TV. I’m pretty sure everyone is familiar with #LHHATL whether you watch the show or not and honestly it’s not the only show that puts an extreme lack of self-love in full view for the world to see. Reality TV constantly puts women (and sometimes men) in the forefront to be …. embarrassed (for lack of a better word). As I sat and watched all I could think about is how Mimi is too daggone old to be so dependent on the love of another person that’s she’s completely blinded to them taking advantage of her.

In my later teenage years I really struggled with loving myself. I was never really equipped with that kind of thing growing up and that’s not to discredit my upbringing at all because I was for the most part extremely happy (and I also believe generational patterns and cycles have a lot to do with things like this). But I was never taught the value of self. My first real relationship where someone “loved” me was even more damaging to me in terms of self-esteem and self-confidence. I honestly felt like at 18 years old I NEEDED to be accepted by this person who did nothing but tear me down in soooo many ways, disguising it as love. And I continued to portray the happy girl on the outside so that no one would catch wind of my insecurities.

Thankfully and (I honestly feel like) by the grace of God I met my boyfriend (who was of course a friend back then). He became a person I felt completely comfortable in confiding in and in the beginning of our friendship he taught me so much about loving me first. I truly believe that God can send you people to convey messages that you might not be hearing so clearly directly from Him. I could be completely wrong but either way our friendship was my saving grace. Leaving my old relationship I spent months and months working on me and building myself back up to a point where I felt like it was OK to just be me. I began focusing on my dreams and my own aspirations and it was a completely different feeling not needing someone to validate or confirm my emotions.

In any case, I said all of that to say to be successful in anything in life it starts with yourself. Validation and confirmation from another person will only take you so far. I feel more equipped now  than I ever have before to love other people because I trust myself to know the limits of that love. I trust myself to be an amazing mother and teach my son the value of himself so that he never feels the need to seek other peoples idea of his worth. And I know for a fact I’ll mess up. There’s no such thing as a perfect human-being but I’m glad I have an amazing support system to pick up where I lack. And I don’t depend on or need them, but it’s nice to have them there.

What’s the most important lesson you’ve learned about loving yourself?

9 In life

Mommy-Life: The Baby Blues

We’ve all been there. If you are a mom then you’ve experienced some form of what they call the “baby blues”. According to Mayo Clinic, there are more than 3 million cases of postpartum depression reported yearly in the U.S. alone! I didn’t think it’d happen to me at all. The honeymoon phase of mommy hood lasted a good 5 months for me. I didn’t understand how anyone could dislike being a mommy. Something had to be wrong with these women. 

*cue sleep regression*.. And I suddenly wonder what the hell I was thinking when I thought I was fit enough to become a parent. My child is screaming at the top of his lungs at midnight for the 3rd night in a row and I’m .5 seconds from busting out into tears with him… alone… because his father works overnight. 

And now I’m wondering if I’m a bad mom cause I just for the love of everything that is holy want him to shut up! And that’s not right is it? He’s so little. He can’t help it. 

Being a mom makes you superhuman but you are still HUMAN. As mommies we become so wrapped up in our child’s love that we forget to take a step back and decompress. And we need it.. God knows I need it! We spend all day meeting the needs of our household and it’s super important not to forget to take a good step back and think about yourself. Take a moment to do something to make you happy. I am THRILLED when I get to take an uninterrupted, un-rushed shower! LOl big dreams right? But it counts! And frustration doesn’t make you any less of a rockstar! It makes you all the more normal! Keep rocking it out mommas! 

*If you think you or someone you know is suffering from severe postpartum depression please seek the medical help of a doctor or other professional.*

photo credit:Growing Better Baby Crying Life Kids Being Kids via photopin (license)

0 In life

Fathers Day 2016

We’re traveling today so our first Father’s Day is going to be uneventful. It sucks cause I’m a sucker for holidays even if they are commercial. I love celebrating and I think if you are deserving then fatherhood is something that definitely should be celebrated. 

A salute to the end of the black male stereotype! Happy Fathers Day! 

17 In Uncategorized

Blog-Life: 5 Tips to NOT getting overwhelmed with Blogging and SocialMedia.

It is so easy when your blogging to get wrapped up in the chaos of social media. Snapchat, Instagram, Pinterest, YouTube, vine, blogger, periscope, on and on and on and on. It truly and honestly feels never-ending and quite often it can become overwhelming. Here are my top 5 reminders for when I start to lose my cool in this crazy blog/social media world.

5. You don’t have to do everything.

Sure it’s great to give other applications a chance and anything that drives traffic to your blog is great but you can’t master everything. Trying to do too much will result in you spreading yourself way too thin and that’s no bueno! You definitely want to give your all in whatever you take on. So don’t try to take on too many!

4. It’s OK to get help!

We live in the age of technology so this crap is FOREVER evolving. If you have any kind of life then you can’t keep up with everything all the time. So when you do catch up, it’s OK to ask for help learning a new app. Heck, that’s what YouTube is for! There’s seriously a tutorial for everything. Use it! And don’t be shy to ask a friend. I look forward to the days RJ is old enough to teach me about technology and I can peer over my grandma spectacles and mutter something about how kids nowadays have too much time on their hands LOL

3. Schedule your posts.

If you must do everything then stay organized! There’s an app for that! Apps such as HootSuite allow you to schedule posts to different networks that way you can just Set it and Forget it! (Remember that infomercial?)

2. Quality not Quantity. Interaction vs. Following 

It’s not necessary to upload 50 pictures a day to Instagram or tweet every 5 minutes. No ones paying attention to that! Trust me girl! Your real followers will appreciate when you truly have something to say. And at the end of the day brands often look at engagement so if you post 20x a day to your 5000 followers and only one person tweets back guess what? You’re wasting your time bro! So don’t stress yourself out with a daily quota!

1. Stick with what works!

Kinda like the first thing I said. We can’t all be pros at everything. So stick to what works for you and your blog. If you get a lot of engagement on Twitter, tweet ya heart away. Instagram pics on fleek? Pose for the camera! Don’t cheat your supporters by trying to do it all. Once you’ve mastered it then by all means venture out but if something isn’t working for you, it’s OK to let it go! Don’t force it! 

18 In life

Mommy-Life: Wubbanub Love!

If you follow me on instagram then you know I gave in to the paci. I swore up and down when I was pregnant that I did not want RJ to use a pacifier. I swore up and down when he was first born that he would get nipple confusion and that he wouldn’t know the difference and I’d never be able to breastfeed or my nipples would fall off (drama queen much?).

ANYWHO, that all pretty much goes out the window when you have a screaming infant who isn’t hungry trying to permanently attach themselves to you. So PACI IT IS!

Y’all know the pacifier struggle! You put it in their mouth… kid spits it out… it rolls under the couch somewhere into the unknown abyss of all things kids drop… I don’t have time for that! So whoever invented the Wubbanub had me on their heart!

The Wubbanub is a cute little stuffed animal with a soothie type pacifier sewn onto it. It is machine washable (perfect for when ‘Frogger’ needed a spa day) which has me a little skeptical but we’ve only had to wash it once. Very very practical for moms who aren’t into those pacifier clips and they are super stinkin’ cute! The recommended age on the packaging is 0-6 months but RJ just turned 7 months and I’m not ready to fight that battle yet.

We always get compliments on how cute they are and he loves both versions that he has. They come in a HUGE variety of different animals. Get on it yall! Make those bebes happy!!! =)

*this is not a sponsored post…but i do include affiliate links..plus he just really loves that thing and I thought I’d share =)*

2 In life

She's Baaaaaaack! : Why Return to Blogging

Almost like seeing a ghost huh?
LOL

Long time no blog friends! If any of you have stuck around then I’ve missed you!
If you are new here then welcome!

Life is a whirlwind and I feel like I say that every time I slack off or disappear from my blog but yall know how life goes.

I honestly haven’t felt the motivation to write anything at all. I had pretty much given up on blogging and I think that was largely due to unrealistic expectations. Blogging is PRESSURE (if u let it be)! I know I’m not the only one who wants to be great at this thing and I had unrealistic expectations for how soon I’d see the results I wanted. I pressure myself like that.

This time around I’ve redirected my goals and I know what I need to do to get my focus right. Consistency is key yall! I’m using all avenues and I’m not gonna give up or judge myself too hard. See you at the top! 
Tanay.
6 In life

A Breastfeeding Mom’s Inner Monologue….

Before Feeding….


“I wonder when he’s gonna wake up..
he’s been asleep for pretty long…
It’s not time for him to wake up?
Hope he isn’t hungry.
What if he doesn’t know he’s hungry?
God I hope he wakes up if he’s hungry.
He has to be hungry my boobs feel like rocks.
Is that a lump? *feels boobs*. I hope that’s a milk lump.
How would I ever know if I’m abnormally lumpy?
Gosh my boobs are full… “

During Feeding….


“At least I don’t feel like my boobs are gonna explode anymore *sigh of relief*
Is he sleeping? Nope… Just taking a break.
He looks so peaceful… sweet baby.
OK kid… it’s not playtime. Stop trying to look around with my boob still in your mouth.
OUCH! Why are baby gums so sharp?
You better hope you don’t get teeth any time soon!
I have to pee…. I always have to pee *crosses legs*
Are you done?… No don’t scream… Shhhh shhhhhh
Why is this taking so long? How big could his little stomach be?
Why was that so quick? He couldn’t have eaten enough!
It’s fine.. take your time…”

After Feeding….


“Phew! Finally! My arm was going numb!
Awwww! Look at the cute little sleeping face. #milkdrunk
Now if I could just lay him right…….. CRAP… hes up!
I’m not re-latching you kid you aren’t hungry.
You can’t be hungry it’s impossible!
Shhhhh SHHHHHHHH it’s OK sleep baby!
Here you go… take the paci… shhhhhh
Why isn’t it working?
Oh good he isn’t crying anymore he’s just staring at me wide-freakin-eyed!
*re-latches*
I’m gonna be housebound the rest of my life. “

*This post was intended for humor. I love breastfeeding and wouldn’t trade that opportunity for anything at all! But we all have our moments and if you don’t then pat your perfect self on the back and know that I DEFINITELY have mine! LOL*

0 In life

No One is Good Enough [Mom Confessions]

I’m freakin’ emotional! I was literally banned from watching the news my whole pregnancy cause I would cry to my boyfriend about any and everything! Postpartum the emotion hasn’t gone away. And sensitivity has brought it’s friend paranoia along for the ride! 


The news literally makes me feel like I may go crazy. Especially because something bad is always happening… somewhere… to someones child. Technically I guess everyone is someones child but I really mean babies. Yesterday I read about a man who shook his two year old stepdaughter to the point she was limp which cause irreversible brain damage. The little girl is now on life support and her family is preparing to take her off. 2 years old! And I’ve seen similar stories about family members harming/killing young children.

These are people that you least expect to harm your child. This woman trusted that man enough to marry him and to leave her daughter alone with him and he’s taken away something he can never give back to her. In less than a minute anything can go south and I am terrified of leaving my child with anyone!! More so because I get. My baby is 3 weeks old and he is a SCREAMER. There’s no crying lol.. He only has one volume. It takes about 30 seconds before I’m clenching my teeth myself so I understand how someone else could be frustrated hearing it. But it’s never crossed my mind to shake him.. Or cover his face to stop the crying/decrease the noise… Or hit him out of annoyance. And these are all things you see via the news or social media.

 Do I have to go back to work?! There’s gotta be another solution… Figuring it out…

Xoxo,
Tanay
0 In life

Breastfeeding Chronicles [2 weeks Postpartum]

I figured I’d keep up with this breastfeeding journey since literally feeding consumes my life. All day there is a baby attached to me for some reason. I guess I don’t mind though cause he’s cute… And he doesn’t have teeth yet. LOL. A little glimpse into what breastfeeding has been like for me for the first two weeks…

  • The first week was the worst week of my life. He had a really poor latch at birth and when they tell you that a bad latch can lead to sore, cracked nipples… #jesustakethewheel… You don’t ever want to experience that.
  •  The lactation consultants at the hospital were crap. No one was able to help or explain to me how to get a GOOD latch. So the whole first week if it looked like he was eating I just didn’t bother him. Big no-no. And I didn’t see a good lactation consultant until his 1st checkup. 
  •  Because we both (me and baby) had no idea what we were doing I ended up supplementing with formula for like… 2 days. I thought he had nipple confusion from using a pacifier.. Which I then blamed on everyone in my house because I didn’t want him having it. And the latch got so bad that it was a fight late at night to feed him so I gave up. For 2 days I thought it was over for me feeding my baby. 
  •  My right nipple split completely open during the second week. To the point where I worried that my baby would become a vampire cause it was bleeding slightly and I didn’t want him to like the taste of blood more than the taste of breast milk. #dramaqueen
  •  But on a positive note it really does establish a different type of bond between you and the baby. Despite bleeding and the immense pain and the frustration during the first week .. I love the fact that I have something no one else can give my son. I love watching him and talking to him while I’m feeding him. I just love him. #obsessedmama

how could you not love feeding this little face?! lol #milkdrunk 

4 In life

23 hours… 8 pushes… 0 stitches!!

On 10|23|14 (2 weeks and 5 days early) I gave birth to the most amazing little person I have ever met! Didn’t I tell you guys he’d be an October baby? And at 2 weeks (and a day) old I am more in love than I have ever been!

Being a mommy is amazing and I’m truly loving every minute of it. People look at me like I’m absolutely crazy when they ask if I’m exhausted/tired and I say no. Cause I’m not. I don’t feel like I’m truly sleeping any less than I was before. Chalk it up to my past insomnia. And I actually LOVE the moments we’re up at night. He only wakes up twice during the night and I use that time (while breastfeeding) to kiss every little finger and toe… & stare at his big eyes.. & tell him my dreams for us. It’s probably the only time I’m not sharing him so I soak up every minute of it. It also probably helps that he’s such a good baby. He only cries when he’s naked… which makes me wonder if he was switched at birth because in my heart of hearts I’m a nudist lmao.

All in all, I’m loving being a mommy. So to everyone who thought my excitement wouldn’t last past pregnancy…. You were wrong *sticks tongue out*

Xoxo, Tanay

0 In life

{BabyLove}- what’s going on in 3rd tri?

Lemme just start off with a beautiful cliche disclaimer: Pregnancy is a beautiful thing. To know life is growing inside of you is amazing and I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world right now.

Now that that’s out of the way…. I’ll say it. I’m over it. I’m approaching 30 weeks in a couple days and I want this kid out (not really I want him to be as healthy as possible when he’s born)!!! Who told me I could do this?! I’m not built for this! LOL. Pregnancy does so much to your body that NO amount of reading can prepare you for. Thank God for YouTube! If I didn’t learn so much from there, my doctor would block my number from the amount of times I call her to make sure something is normal. 

I am now in the glorious third trimester of pregnancy where everything just seems to get bigger by the day. And by everything… I mean none of the important things that they tell you will get bigger. Like where are these great boobs I was supposed to get? Whomp! BabyLove is literally taking everything and I am ALL belly. I don’t mind because I love him to pieces and I know he needs everything he can get but geesh… A little boob never hurt anyone! LMAO. Before pregnancy I was 100 pounds… At almost 29 weeks I was 121! Sounds like nothing to some people but when you’re used to being THAT tiny all of your adult life… I feel like I’m doing a never ending gym workout. And don’t get me started on breathing! I actually went to triage at the hospital two weeks ago because this baby is SO big and I am SO tiny that he’s literally squishing my lungs and making it hard for me to catch my breath even laying down (I also can’t get too full because then the pressure from my stomach PLUS baby take up too much space in there)! I was worried about the amount of oxygen he was getting but of course the little brat was fine in there! But breathing is an everyday struggle that I still sometimes panic about because I have a history of asthma and you never forget the feeling of not being able to catch your breath. 

All in all though OTHER than not being able to breathe and wondering where my boobs are.. I’m thankful to God that I’ve had an easy pregnancy. I have nothing to complain about (though hormones always help me find something) and I’m just anxiously awaiting the little prince’s arrival and mentally preparing for motherhood. 

Life huh?