A Breastfeeding Mom’s Inner Monologue….

    Before Feeding….

    “I wonder when he’s gonna wake up..
    he’s been asleep for pretty long…
    It’s not time for him to wake up?
    Hope he isn’t hungry.
    What if he doesn’t know he’s hungry?
    God I hope he wakes up if he’s hungry.
    He has to be hungry my boobs feel like rocks.
    Is that a lump? *feels boobs*. I hope that’s a milk lump.
    How would I ever know if I’m abnormally lumpy?
    Gosh my boobs are full… “

    During Feeding….

    “At least I don’t feel like my boobs are gonna explode anymore *sigh of relief*
    Is he sleeping? Nope… Just taking a break.
    He looks so peaceful… sweet baby.
    OK kid… it’s not playtime. Stop trying to look around with my boob still in your mouth.
    OUCH! Why are baby gums so sharp?
    You better hope you don’t get teeth any time soon!
    I have to pee…. I always have to pee *crosses legs*
    Are you done?… No don’t scream… Shhhh shhhhhh
    Why is this taking so long? How big could his little stomach be?
    Why was that so quick? He couldn’t have eaten enough!
    It’s fine.. take your time…”

    After Feeding….

    “Phew! Finally! My arm was going numb!
    Awwww! Look at the cute little sleeping face. #milkdrunk
    Now if I could just lay him right…….. CRAP… hes up!
    I’m not re-latching you kid you aren’t hungry.
    You can’t be hungry it’s impossible!
    Shhhhh SHHHHHHHH it’s OK sleep baby!
    Here you go… take the paci… shhhhhh
    Why isn’t it working?
    Oh good he isn’t crying anymore he’s just staring at me wide-freakin-eyed!
    I’m gonna be housebound the rest of my life. “

    *This post was intended for humor. I love breastfeeding and wouldn’t trade that opportunity for anything at all! But we all have our moments and if you don’t then pat your perfect self on the back and know that I DEFINITELY have mine! LOL*


    No One is Good Enough [Mom Confessions]

    I’m freakin’ emotional! I was literally banned from watching the news my whole pregnancy cause I would cry to my boyfriend about any and everything! Postpartum the emotion hasn’t gone away. And sensitivity has brought it’s friend paranoia along for the ride! 

    The news literally makes me feel like I may go crazy. Especially because something bad is always happening… somewhere… to someones child. Technically I guess everyone is someones child but I really mean babies. Yesterday I read about a man who shook his two year old stepdaughter to the point she was limp which cause irreversible brain damage. The little girl is now on life support and her family is preparing to take her off. 2 years old! And I’ve seen similar stories about family members harming/killing young children.

    These are people that you least expect to harm your child. This woman trusted that man enough to marry him and to leave her daughter alone with him and he’s taken away something he can never give back to her. In less than a minute anything can go south and I am terrified of leaving my child with anyone!! More so because I get. My baby is 3 weeks old and he is a SCREAMER. There’s no crying lol.. He only has one volume. It takes about 30 seconds before I’m clenching my teeth myself so I understand how someone else could be frustrated hearing it. But it’s never crossed my mind to shake him.. Or cover his face to stop the crying/decrease the noise… Or hit him out of annoyance. And these are all things you see via the news or social media.

     Do I have to go back to work?! There’s gotta be another solution… Figuring it out…


    Breastfeeding Chronicles [2 weeks Postpartum]

    I figured I’d keep up with this breastfeeding journey since literally feeding consumes my life. All day there is a baby attached to me for some reason. I guess I don’t mind though cause he’s cute… And he doesn’t have teeth yet. LOL. A little glimpse into what breastfeeding has been like for me for the first two weeks…

    • The first week was the worst week of my life. He had a really poor latch at birth and when they tell you that a bad latch can lead to sore, cracked nipples… #jesustakethewheel… You don’t ever want to experience that.
    •  The lactation consultants at the hospital were crap. No one was able to help or explain to me how to get a GOOD latch. So the whole first week if it looked like he was eating I just didn’t bother him. Big no-no. And I didn’t see a good lactation consultant until his 1st checkup. 
    •  Because we both (me and baby) had no idea what we were doing I ended up supplementing with formula for like… 2 days. I thought he had nipple confusion from using a pacifier.. Which I then blamed on everyone in my house because I didn’t want him having it. And the latch got so bad that it was a fight late at night to feed him so I gave up. For 2 days I thought it was over for me feeding my baby. 
    •  My right nipple split completely open during the second week. To the point where I worried that my baby would become a vampire cause it was bleeding slightly and I didn’t want him to like the taste of blood more than the taste of breast milk. #dramaqueen
    •  But on a positive note it really does establish a different type of bond between you and the baby. Despite bleeding and the immense pain and the frustration during the first week .. I love the fact that I have something no one else can give my son. I love watching him and talking to him while I’m feeding him. I just love him. #obsessedmama

    how could you not love feeding this little face?! lol #milkdrunk 


    23 hours… 8 pushes… 0 stitches!!

    On 10|23|14 (2 weeks and 5 days early) I gave birth to the most amazing little person I have ever met! Didn’t I tell you guys he’d be an October baby? And at 2 weeks (and a day) old I am more in love than I have ever been!

    Being a mommy is amazing and I’m truly loving every minute of it. People look at me like I’m absolutely crazy when they ask if I’m exhausted/tired and I say no. Cause I’m not. I don’t feel like I’m truly sleeping any less than I was before. Chalk it up to my past insomnia. And I actually LOVE the moments we’re up at night. He only wakes up twice during the night and I use that time (while breastfeeding) to kiss every little finger and toe… & stare at his big eyes.. & tell him my dreams for us. It’s probably the only time I’m not sharing him so I soak up every minute of it. It also probably helps that he’s such a good baby. He only cries when he’s naked… which makes me wonder if he was switched at birth because in my heart of hearts I’m a nudist lmao.

    All in all, I’m loving being a mommy. So to everyone who thought my excitement wouldn’t last past pregnancy…. You were wrong *sticks tongue out*

    Xoxo, Tanay


    {BabyLove}- what’s going on in 3rd tri?

    Lemme just start off with a beautiful cliche disclaimer: Pregnancy is a beautiful thing. To know life is growing inside of you is amazing and I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world right now.

    Now that that’s out of the way…. I’ll say it. I’m over it. I’m approaching 30 weeks in a couple days and I want this kid out (not really I want him to be as healthy as possible when he’s born)!!! Who told me I could do this?! I’m not built for this! LOL. Pregnancy does so much to your body that NO amount of reading can prepare you for. Thank God for YouTube! If I didn’t learn so much from there, my doctor would block my number from the amount of times I call her to make sure something is normal. 

    I am now in the glorious third trimester of pregnancy where everything just seems to get bigger by the day. And by everything… I mean none of the important things that they tell you will get bigger. Like where are these great boobs I was supposed to get? Whomp! BabyLove is literally taking everything and I am ALL belly. I don’t mind because I love him to pieces and I know he needs everything he can get but geesh… A little boob never hurt anyone! LMAO. Before pregnancy I was 100 pounds… At almost 29 weeks I was 121! Sounds like nothing to some people but when you’re used to being THAT tiny all of your adult life… I feel like I’m doing a never ending gym workout. And don’t get me started on breathing! I actually went to triage at the hospital two weeks ago because this baby is SO big and I am SO tiny that he’s literally squishing my lungs and making it hard for me to catch my breath even laying down (I also can’t get too full because then the pressure from my stomach PLUS baby take up too much space in there)! I was worried about the amount of oxygen he was getting but of course the little brat was fine in there! But breathing is an everyday struggle that I still sometimes panic about because I have a history of asthma and you never forget the feeling of not being able to catch your breath. 

    All in all though OTHER than not being able to breathe and wondering where my boobs are.. I’m thankful to God that I’ve had an easy pregnancy. I have nothing to complain about (though hormones always help me find something) and I’m just anxiously awaiting the little prince’s arrival and mentally preparing for motherhood. 

    Life huh?