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Mom confessions

    I’m Sick of ‘Parent Twitter’

    And I know I’ll probably be banished to some lonely corner of the Twitterverse where I’ll be slowly rocking back and forth and holding myself alone but, I could care less at this point. I meant it last night when it first came to mind and I mean it now as I’m typing this post. I hate parent twitter. Not to be confused with just parents on twitter. I’m talking about the very specific group of tweeters, you know who they are. 

    And there are are so many different corners of the Twitterwebs so I’m sure I’ll find another group to partake in (#BlackTwitter never fails me), but I felt like the mom life corner was supposed to be my thing. Nah, it ain’t. If you search any type of parenting hashtag on twitter you’ll be sure to find all of these witty tweets. Parents tweeting about their numbered children and the snarky or clever thing they’ve said that millisecond, all in the name of RTs and favorites. Can we be honest? You nor your kid are that funny ALL day. Someone else definitely has copied a meme I’ve seen on Facebook and used it as their own tweet, only to get 749201 comments about how funny or clever they are like plagiarism isn’t taught in elementary school anymore. WHY ARE YALL LIKE THIS?!

    Last night while I showered and washed my hair my 1 year old stood outside the door screeching at the top of his lungs the entirety of said shower. My emotions teetered between guilt and annoyanc and I thought about reaching out to the parent posse to see who could relate. Instead I changed my mind because, it wasn’t funny, or sarcastic or witty and I felt pretty confident that though I knew someone would be able to relate… my tweet would just sink into the abyss of things forgotten. No one interacts for realness!! Where are the parents that are living REAL life and want to interact?! Those are the people I’m looking for. 

    Meanwhile you can miss me with the clever anecdotes about 4 pretending to sip your peppermint mocha this morning. I haven’t even had the chance to brush my teeth yet. But y’all are gonna get ALL this venting. 

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    Confession Time: I’m SICK of Having to Put My Kids First

    Every morning (or night if you will) my alarm goes off at 230am. I snooze like 5 times, and then I try to detach Zayn without waking him up, sneak out of the room and get dressed in the living room so that I can be at work at 3 effing 30. In the morning. Since James works overnight also, that means I have two kids I then have to (sometimes) dress and move in the middle of the night to their respective locations so that they aren’t left unsupervised. Thank God for family! 

    Zayn’s first winter was ROUGH. I found myself calling out of work pretty often to stay home because one or both kids were sick and ain’t nobody trying to take care of a sick child that isn’t  theirs in the middle of the night. Love em or not! Returning to work is always led with “Hey what happened?” and then upon explaining my situation (sick kids, 3am, no childcare…) I always get the “empathetic “well, you have to do what’s best for your family”. 

    And I’m going to be completely honest with y’all and say when it comes to work vs family, I’m tired of choosing my kids. Because…. I feel like it shouldn’t even be a “thing”. I’m honestly annoyed by the guilt I feel of letting someone else down every time I have to stay home to be with them. I just want to parent guilt-free. Back in December Zayn (at 5 months old) was hospitalized for Croup and I actually had someone look at me with confusion and say, “you could’ve left him there and just came to work it’s not like he could go anywhere.” Miss……. what?!?!  

    I completely get that for some people the money is the motive but no one tries to make you feel guilty when you miss your kids 4th school performance for your lil $15 an hour, so why do I get so much crap for choosing the opposite end? I’m over it. I’m completely tired of the fact that I even HAVE to make choosing my kids a big deal but I’d never choose anything else. I don’t get paid enough for all that. 

    What’s your work/life balance like? Leave your thoughts in the comments below.

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    To The Introverted Mama With the High-Energy Child

    I see you. 

    I see you wanting to crawl into yourself and hide as a stranger makes small talk with you about how cute and happy your kid is. I know you hate it. But the very sight of your child bounding around in public is enough to make any stranger smile, stop and ask questions, and leave you hanging there in enough seconds of awkward silence to make you want to click your heels together three times and disappear. I know its hard. 

    Introverts don’t do small talk!

    I hear you.

    Not literally of course. But your silence speaks volumes. Your little is loud enough for the both of you anyway. And I know you’re spending a good portion of your day wondering if your little person needs to make noise and be in contact with people ALL DAY. As exciting as it is for them it’s draining for you. 

    You enjoy being alone.

    I get it.

    That after a long day of running, and screaming, and crying you just. need. time. And the little person you take care of is saying mommy for the 200th time….. that hour. You’re not sure if you’re going to make it. Patience is almost gone, and then the guilt comes. Because as much as you need time to get yourself together you feel bad that you can’t be more excited for them. It feels impossible. 

    You need time to recharge.

    I feel you. I am you. We got this. 

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    Motherhood.. & How I Learned to Keep My Foot Out of My Mouth

    **I wrote this post back in February of 2016 sometime and just found it in my drafts yesterday. I don’t know why I never published it cause it was (and still is) a relevant lesson. So I’m sharing it today… RJ is almost 3 now lol** 

    RJs 15 months old! He’s such a big boy. Everyday he learns something new and it’s truly truly amazing to watch him discover the world. Being a mommy is so amazing and I wouldn’t trade it for all the freedom in the world. 

    That being said, my boyfriend kindly reminded me that… RJ is 15 months old. He was all “Hey babe, remember when u judged XYZ cause she said she breastfed for 18 months…… RJ isn’t that far from it”. {insert my blank face here}. My baby is still breastfed & I have no shame in my game. People tell me all the time “it’s time to stop” and I ignore them because I’m amazing at not giving a crap what other people think about what I do with MY son. But truthfully, I’m ready for it to be over. And my boyfriend was nice enough to remind me of the golden rule of parenting: never say never!

    You can read a gazillion and one parenting books and nothing will prep you for the real thing. I thought I was gonna breastfeed for a year and then magically my baby would be over it and we’d move on eating all kinds of regular food and live life. Sike! {takes foot out of mouth} I gave that girl my BEST side eye for saying she breastfed “that long” and here I am with no willpower in making the kid stop. There’s no end in sight! Swore up down and around my child would NEVER embarrass me in public & at 15 months old I’ve already left him tantruming in the middle of the floor at Target (aka our second home) because what the heck does he know that young? Besides the fact that he wants a reaction? Nothing!

    Since becoming a mom I try to be very very careful what I say about people’s parenting choices or their children’s behavior because truth is…. you never know! And if your boyfriend/husband/partner is like mine he’ll remind you of that time….. & you’ll be eating your words later LOL.

    What are some things you said you’d NEVER do before you became a parent that you find yourself doing now?

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    No One is Good Enough [Mom Confessions]

    I’m freakin’ emotional! I was literally banned from watching the news my whole pregnancy cause I would cry to my boyfriend about any and everything! Postpartum the emotion hasn’t gone away. And sensitivity has brought it’s friend paranoia along for the ride! 


    The news literally makes me feel like I may go crazy. Especially because something bad is always happening… somewhere… to someones child. Technically I guess everyone is someones child but I really mean babies. Yesterday I read about a man who shook his two year old stepdaughter to the point she was limp which cause irreversible brain damage. The little girl is now on life support and her family is preparing to take her off. 2 years old! And I’ve seen similar stories about family members harming/killing young children.

    These are people that you least expect to harm your child. This woman trusted that man enough to marry him and to leave her daughter alone with him and he’s taken away something he can never give back to her. In less than a minute anything can go south and I am terrified of leaving my child with anyone!! More so because I get. My baby is 3 weeks old and he is a SCREAMER. There’s no crying lol.. He only has one volume. It takes about 30 seconds before I’m clenching my teeth myself so I understand how someone else could be frustrated hearing it. But it’s never crossed my mind to shake him.. Or cover his face to stop the crying/decrease the noise… Or hit him out of annoyance. And these are all things you see via the news or social media.

     Do I have to go back to work?! There’s gotta be another solution… Figuring it out…

    Xoxo,
    Tanay
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