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Tanay @ Life with Tanay

    The Importance of Self-Love

    *This was originally posted in June 2014 and featured on my old blog  =)*

    Believe it or not my post today was inspired by last nights dose of ratchet reality TV. I’m pretty sure everyone is familiar with #LHHATL whether you watch the show or not and honestly it’s not the only show that puts an extreme lack of self-love in full view for the world to see. Reality TV constantly puts women (and sometimes men) in the forefront to be …. embarrassed (for lack of a better word). As I sat and watched all I could think about is how Mimi is too daggone old to be so dependent on the love of another person that’s she’s completely blinded to them taking advantage of her.

    In my later teenage years I really struggled with loving myself. I was never really equipped with that kind of thing growing up and that’s not to discredit my upbringing at all because I was for the most part extremely happy (and I also believe generational patterns and cycles have a lot to do with things like this). But I was never taught the value of self. My first real relationship where someone “loved” me was even more damaging to me in terms of self-esteem and self-confidence. I honestly felt like at 18 years old I NEEDED to be accepted by this person who did nothing but tear me down in soooo many ways, disguising it as love. And I continued to portray the happy girl on the outside so that no one would catch wind of my insecurities.

    Thankfully and (I honestly feel like) by the grace of God I met my boyfriend (who was of course a friend back then). He became a person I felt completely comfortable in confiding in and in the beginning of our friendship he taught me so much about loving me first. I truly believe that God can send you people to convey messages that you might not be hearing so clearly directly from Him. I could be completely wrong but either way our friendship was my saving grace. Leaving my old relationship I spent months and months working on me and building myself back up to a point where I felt like it was OK to just be me. I began focusing on my dreams and my own aspirations and it was a completely different feeling not needing someone to validate or confirm my emotions.

    In any case, I said all of that to say to be successful in anything in life it starts with yourself. Validation and confirmation from another person will only take you so far. I feel more equipped now  than I ever have before to love other people because I trust myself to know the limits of that love. I trust myself to be an amazing mother and teach my son the value of himself so that he never feels the need to seek other peoples idea of his worth. And I know for a fact I’ll mess up. There’s no such thing as a perfect human-being but I’m glad I have an amazing support system to pick up where I lack. And I don’t depend on or need them, but it’s nice to have them there.

    What’s the most important lesson you’ve learned about loving yourself?

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    Mommy-Life: The Baby Blues

    We’ve all been there. If you are a mom then you’ve experienced some form of what they call the “baby blues”. According to Mayo Clinic, there are more than 3 million cases of postpartum depression reported yearly in the U.S. alone! I didn’t think it’d happen to me at all. The honeymoon phase of mommy hood lasted a good 5 months for me. I didn’t understand how anyone could dislike being a mommy. Something had to be wrong with these women. 

    *cue sleep regression*.. And I suddenly wonder what the hell I was thinking when I thought I was fit enough to become a parent. My child is screaming at the top of his lungs at midnight for the 3rd night in a row and I’m .5 seconds from busting out into tears with him… alone… because his father works overnight. 

    And now I’m wondering if I’m a bad mom cause I just for the love of everything that is holy want him to shut up! And that’s not right is it? He’s so little. He can’t help it. 

    Being a mom makes you superhuman but you are still HUMAN. As mommies we become so wrapped up in our child’s love that we forget to take a step back and decompress. And we need it.. God knows I need it! We spend all day meeting the needs of our household and it’s super important not to forget to take a good step back and think about yourself. Take a moment to do something to make you happy. I am THRILLED when I get to take an uninterrupted, un-rushed shower! LOl big dreams right? But it counts! And frustration doesn’t make you any less of a rockstar! It makes you all the more normal! Keep rocking it out mommas! 

    *If you think you or someone you know is suffering from severe postpartum depression please seek the medical help of a doctor or other professional.*

    photo credit:Growing Better Baby Crying Life Kids Being Kids via photopin (license)

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    Fathers Day 2016

    We’re traveling today so our first Father’s Day is going to be uneventful. It sucks cause I’m a sucker for holidays even if they are commercial. I love celebrating and I think if you are deserving then fatherhood is something that definitely should be celebrated. 

    A salute to the end of the black male stereotype! Happy Fathers Day! 

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    Blog-Life: 5 Tips to NOT getting overwhelmed with Blogging and SocialMedia.

    It is so easy when your blogging to get wrapped up in the chaos of social media. Snapchat, Instagram, Pinterest, YouTube, vine, blogger, periscope, on and on and on and on. It truly and honestly feels never-ending and quite often it can become overwhelming. Here are my top 5 reminders for when I start to lose my cool in this crazy blog/social media world.

    5. You don’t have to do everything.

    Sure it’s great to give other applications a chance and anything that drives traffic to your blog is great but you can’t master everything. Trying to do too much will result in you spreading yourself way too thin and that’s no bueno! You definitely want to give your all in whatever you take on. So don’t try to take on too many!

    4. It’s OK to get help!

    We live in the age of technology so this crap is FOREVER evolving. If you have any kind of life then you can’t keep up with everything all the time. So when you do catch up, it’s OK to ask for help learning a new app. Heck, that’s what YouTube is for! There’s seriously a tutorial for everything. Use it! And don’t be shy to ask a friend. I look forward to the days RJ is old enough to teach me about technology and I can peer over my grandma spectacles and mutter something about how kids nowadays have too much time on their hands LOL

    3. Schedule your posts.

    If you must do everything then stay organized! There’s an app for that! Apps such as HootSuite allow you to schedule posts to different networks that way you can just Set it and Forget it! (Remember that infomercial?)

    2. Quality not Quantity. Interaction vs. Following 

    It’s not necessary to upload 50 pictures a day to Instagram or tweet every 5 minutes. No ones paying attention to that! Trust me girl! Your real followers will appreciate when you truly have something to say. And at the end of the day brands often look at engagement so if you post 20x a day to your 5000 followers and only one person tweets back guess what? You’re wasting your time bro! So don’t stress yourself out with a daily quota!

    1. Stick with what works!

    Kinda like the first thing I said. We can’t all be pros at everything. So stick to what works for you and your blog. If you get a lot of engagement on Twitter, tweet ya heart away. Instagram pics on fleek? Pose for the camera! Don’t cheat your supporters by trying to do it all. Once you’ve mastered it then by all means venture out but if something isn’t working for you, it’s OK to let it go! Don’t force it! 

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    Mommy-Life: Wubbanub Love!

    If you follow me on instagram then you know I gave in to the paci. I swore up and down when I was pregnant that I did not want RJ to use a pacifier. I swore up and down when he was first born that he would get nipple confusion and that he wouldn’t know the difference and I’d never be able to breastfeed or my nipples would fall off (drama queen much?).

    ANYWHO, that all pretty much goes out the window when you have a screaming infant who isn’t hungry trying to permanently attach themselves to you. So PACI IT IS!

    Y’all know the pacifier struggle! You put it in their mouth… kid spits it out… it rolls under the couch somewhere into the unknown abyss of all things kids drop… I don’t have time for that! So whoever invented the Wubbanub had me on their heart!

    The Wubbanub is a cute little stuffed animal with a soothie type pacifier sewn onto it. It is machine washable (perfect for when ‘Frogger’ needed a spa day) which has me a little skeptical but we’ve only had to wash it once. Very very practical for moms who aren’t into those pacifier clips and they are super stinkin’ cute! The recommended age on the packaging is 0-6 months but RJ just turned 7 months and I’m not ready to fight that battle yet.

    We always get compliments on how cute they are and he loves both versions that he has. They come in a HUGE variety of different animals. Get on it yall! Make those bebes happy!!! =)

    *this is not a sponsored post…but i do include affiliate links..plus he just really loves that thing and I thought I’d share =)*

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